Monday, October 5, 2009

Allow me to explain...

Life is not fair... it's just not, there is nothing fair about trying your best to make a marriage work and doing all the 'right' things to only get knocked down.. after all to be abused, cheated and still giving it your all being completely unhappy with life. and this is where I am at... marriage something I wanted so badly, that I went to a third world country for...and after all finding that it may have just been one big mistake. Starting to hate everything about him, but deep inside still wanting it to work. I am confused, sad, and generally unhappy. I feel like I have been taken advantage of. I feel like a dead horse being beaten and forced to move. I wish it was easy for me to say.. I am not happy and walk away from the three years of marriage that has become my life the good the bad, and the unspeakable aspects of it all. So I am venting about it because I really don't know what else to do. Knowing I deserve more, better, at the least love and respect. I have prayed about it and asked the advice of those I respect and who have been where I am and still it is a rode I have to take alone.
Any words of wisdom?


ayah said...

"Do people think that they will be left alone because they say: ‘We believe,’ and will not be tested
And We indeed tested those who were before them. And Allah will certainly make (it) known (the truth of) those who are true, and will certainly make (it) known (the falsehood of) those who are liars, (although Allah knows all that before putting them to test)" (Quran 29:2-3 - interpretation of the meaning)

"Everyone will taste death. And only on the day of resurrection will you be paid your wages in full. Whoever is removed away from the fire and admitted to paradise, he indeed is successful. THE LIFE OF THIS WORLD IS ONLY THE ENJOYMENT OF DECEPTION."
(Quran - 3:185 - interpretation of the meaning)

Sometimes Allah tests His slaves with calamities in order to raise them in status and to expiate for their sins, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said:

“No misfortune or disease befalls a Muslim, no worry or grief or harm or distress – not even a thorn that pricks him – but Allah will expiate for some of his sins because of that.” (Agreed upon. Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5641)

Miss MaryAnn said...

As Salaam Alaikum,

I can only say from experience that I was tested like you. I don't know exactly what your circumstances are. I have been married now for over 20 years. We are from 2 different cultures. I went throught bad, really bad times and there were good times too. When I really wanted to leave, I have 2 children, but I never did. I prayed and prayed and prayed and all through my marriage I was patient. Allah answered my prayers sooooo many years later and my husband became a better man, a better Muslim, who practices and loves his deen and his Iman is so strong. MashaAllah. And our marriage is so strong and I love him so much but it took years and a lot of effor to make it what it is. MashaAllah. Each life is different. You will be in my duas. May Allah give you patience and ease in your difficulties and guide you to what is good and beneficial in your deen and in your life. Ameen. ♥

Anonymous said...

salaam alaikum,

your entry reminds me of my life and my situation, minus the cheating part. I can relate to feeling unhappy, putting up with the abuse and still hoping that the person will change. There is nothing more depressing than the realization that you made a mistake, that the person you thought was your prince charming, isnt. I posted a blog entry titled prince charming, check it out if you get a chance. I know personally it doesnt help to hear its just a test from allah or to be patient. In islam, if a man is abusive or cheating he is stoned to death (infidelity), there is no being patient which some imams try to preach to muslim women. Funny how if the woman was behaving like this the imams would be quick to tell the guy to get rid of her not be patient! Feel free to contact me and we can talk more and if anything just blow steam. My email is
If it helps any, realize your not alone. It take a woman an average of 7 times of attempting to leave an abusive relationship before she leaves. To understand more about your relationship i would recommend reading about domestic violence (emotional, psychological and physical abuse).
Best of wishes to you, stay strong hun!

Sabr said...

Salaam alaikum sister,

I have been following your blog and oh, suddenly I read this. I do not know what to say other than I pray for you. I wish I could help. I am far away from you....

May Allah give you strength back and bestow you with a nice practising muslim. You are still young.
Wa salam alaikum

ween said...

pray for ur happiness. May Allah bless u always.


Stephanie said...

Salam Alaikum--
I'm not really one to say be patient and Allah will reward you. This just keeps women in abusive and unhappy situations. You have to ask yourself: Is this man going to change? Can he change? Will he change? If the answer to any of these questions are no, then get out. If he's abusing you or cheating, then he is obviously way outside the folds of Islam. You deserve better, and you should seek this as a reward in this life.

Anonymous said...

its all gonna be good... dnt putch too mutch energy on it all it'll be fine.
and ur great!! :)


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